Navigating the Waves of Grief: Coping with the Loss of a Mother on Mother's Day!

Losing a mother is a heart-wrenching experience that can leave a gaping hole in our lives. For many of us, Mother's Day can amplify our feelings of loss, serving as a painful reminder of her absence. I know this all too well, as I unexpectedly lost my own mother in 2020.

Grieving is such a unique and personal journey, and while there's no one-size-fits-all solution, It's essential to develop coping strategies that work for you and help alleviate the pain associated with these reminders. Mother’s day for me is a reminder of the Mother’s Day call I don’t get to make, the birthday call I’ll never get and so much more. Frankly, every time I see a mother’s day ad or receive a Mother's Day promo email, I feel like I got punched in the chest. So how does one cope?

I'd like to share some strategies that I’m implementing to help me cope with the heartache of Mother's Day without my mom. My hope is that one or two of these things will help you or anyone going through the same during this difficult time.

1. Acknowledge and honor your emotions: Grief often brings a whirlwind of emotions, from sadness and anger to guilt and disbelief. It's important to acknowledge and validate these feelings, giving yourself permission to grieve. Understand that it's normal to experience a range of emotions, and there's no right or wrong way to feel.

2. Create a tribute to celebrate her memory: Honoring your mother's memory can provide comfort and a sense of connection. Consider creating a tribute or engaging in an activity that she loved. This could be anything from lighting a candle in her honor, listening to her favorite music, or cooking her favorite meal. These small acts can help keep her spirit alive and bring solace on a difficult day.

I’ve added these tributes thanks to my dear friends. Last year, a dear friend, surprised me with the sweetest gift (photo below) - it was a candle with a label that read “A mom’s love lives on”. It was one of the most moving gifts, I bawled my eyes out. I lit that candle on the anniversary of my mom’s passing, her birthday and I plan to light it on mother’s day.

My dear friend, Dami gave me this thoughtful gift just before the 2-year anniversary of your mother's passing. A gesture that was incredibly meaningful and comforting,

Another sweet surprise was from my friend Christy who is a talented calligrapher. It was a framed poem (pictured below) - The Greatest Treasure by Ron Hatcher. She sent it to me right before mother’s day and I was so moved. Happy, sad and healing tears were shed. What a thoughtful gift. On mother’s day last year, I held it close to my heart and lit a candle by it. Christy and her beautiful calligraphy piece serve as a constant reminder of my mother and the love that surrounds me.

Christy surprised me with such a heartfelt and personalized gift. The framed calligraphy piece featuring "The Greatest Treasure" by Ron Hatcher sits in my living room and is a daily reminder of my mother’s love.

3. Surround yourself with support: Remember, you are not alone. Your friends and family are here to support and love you, and there is a whole community of people who understand and empathize with the pain you're experiencing. Lean on them when you need to, and don't hesitate to reach out for help when necessary. Being around friends or family members who understand your loss can make a significant difference. Share memories, stories, or even photographs of your mother to celebrate her life and the impact she had on you. If you prefer a more private approach, writing a letter to your mom or journaling your thoughts and feelings can provide an outlet for your emotions.

4. Prioritize self-care: Grieving can be exhausting, both mentally and physically. Prioritize your well-being by engaging in activities that bring you peace and comfort. This could be meditation, exercise, spending time in nature, or even indulging in a favorite hobby. Be gentle with yourself and remember that it's okay to take time for yourself.

5. Start new traditions: Consider creating new traditions to honor your mother's memory on Mother's Day. This could be a yearly gathering with family, a special outing, or volunteering in a cause close to her heart. These new traditions can help bring meaning and purpose to an otherwise difficult day.

6. Seek professional help if needed: If your grief feels overwhelming or unmanageable, it's okay to seek help from a mental health professional experienced in grief and loss. They can provide guidance, support, and coping strategies to help you navigate this challenging journey.

7. Be patient with yourself: Healing takes time, and it's important to be patient with yourself as you navigate the waves of grief. Allow yourself the time and space to grieve, and remember that it's okay to feel a range of emotions. There's no set timeline for grief, and it's essential to be gentle with yourself as you heal.

The pain of losing a mother is immeasurable, and Mother's Day can be a particularly challenging time for those of us left behind. By acknowledging your emotions, creating tributes, seeking support, and practicing self-care, you can navigate this difficult day with grace and resilience.

Remember, grieving is a personal journey, and there's no right or wrong way to heal. Be kind to yourself, and know that you are not alone. Be patient and gentle with yourself as you navigate this challenging journey.

Sending you lots of love and warm thoughts during this challenging period. Please know that I'm sending lots of love and positive vibes.

Take care of yourself, and remember that you are surrounded by love.

With heartfelt compassion,

Akeshi xx